i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
