Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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