Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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