she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am mentally ready for anal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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