I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Life is so much better after having sex.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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