mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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