my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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