Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
