No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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