Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
