I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
