dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
