Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
