So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize