Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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