My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The power of my boobs compel you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
