I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
