i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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