...so i touched it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
