I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
