cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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