I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
