Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up under the pier.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
