So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
