Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
