Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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