i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
