Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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