Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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