so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
