I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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