You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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