At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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