party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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