I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
