We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
