Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
