I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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