nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
