I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
