My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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