sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
