so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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