im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
