he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
