Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As shirtless as possible
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
