i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
