Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
