Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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