Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
