I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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