well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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