dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
