oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
