So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
