I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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