I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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