I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
