Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
