dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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