he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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