Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
