dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love accidental penises.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
