So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
