Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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