I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
