Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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