Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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