all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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