oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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