i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You left your phone here
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