i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
